Fox

Is anyone still listening?

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 20:01:34 GMT

...?

I'm back.

Its been a really long time since I was last here. Somewhere along the way, my life got a lot more complicated than it should have.

Things have begun to quiet down, and now that my life is swinging back into balance, I'm starting to regain interest in chatting... Though, had it not been for vorpal's livejournal, I wouldn't have found my way back here specifically.

So, yeah... I don't even know where to begin. 17 months of history, much of it very involving.

Shortly after I disappeared from cyberspace, I picked up a job working for a dry-cleaning company in the south end of the city. It wasn't a career, by any means, but it helped to pay the bills. Besides which, my mother was rather insistant that I either be in school or working. Hannah moved to Ireland with John in November. Life, until the end of December, was pretty routine, and relatively dull.

My sister (Yolanda) and I lived 2 floors apart at the time, and sometime in mid-November, an old friend of hers (Laura) surfaced, needing help. Yolanda extended her help, and Laura soon relocated from Kemptville to Ottawa to live under my sister's roof.

Laura was seeing a fellow by the name of Tim. Personally, I didn't particularily care for him, and I largely kept to myself. Since we all smoked pot, tho, we did occasionally all get together to partake.

As the end of January began to approach, my position at the dry-cleaners didn't seem to be working out favourably. I began spending more time at home, and smoking more with Yolanda and Co. Tim and Laura were on the rocks, and as a result he began to visit me to escape the fights going on at my sister's place. As the relationship between he and Laura continued to crumble, we started to become closer friends.

Tim and I eventually made plans to go snowboarding for the day, without telling the girls. We spent the day at Edelweiss, and on the way home, stopped for dinner at the Blue Cactus. Over dinner, Tim decided that he wouldn't stay with Laura that night, that he would rather stay with me.

At this point, it is important to note that Tim is straight.

By the time we finally returned to the apartments, Laura was furious with Tim, and just as happy to banish him to my apartment. Their relationship ended that night.

The situation spawned a vicious argument between my sister and I that lasted well into June.

The following weekend, Tim called and asked to come in to visit me. He stayed overnight, and went home the next day.

From there on, things started to get... muddled, I guess. Within a month, I was picking Tim up from school on Friday afternoon, and dropping him back on Monday morning. I'd drive the 50kms twice during the week to see him, and things were good. He loved my cooking (raved about it :)), we would take off on long walks, get caught in the rain, just sit for hours in the dark and talk about what life meant to us.

If that wasn't confusing enough for me... I used to come out of the kitchen to serve dinner, and he'd have to table set up for a candle-lit affair... We'd get drunk, and we'd play the piano together by candlelight... he couldn't play, so he'd rest his hands on mine while I did. I'd never felt so close to anyone, so in tune...

But close wasn't enough. No matter what things seemed to be, he maintained that he was hetero, and I never really pushed.

In June, I met a fantastic guy named Trev. I pursued a relationship with Trev, which ultimately never flew. Trev figured out that I was using him to make Tim jealous, and told me to go to hell. The end result was an argument between Tim and I, and we stopped talking altogether.

The summer passed in a daze... I smoked pot until I didn't care anymore, and convinced myself that Tim had just been toying with me.

I started school again in September. I became fast friends with Tanya, one of my classmates. Having people to share my experiences with (Yolanda didn't really want to hear about Tim) made me question my actions. Tanya felt that I should go back, and pursue the relationship. When Hannah came back to visit and voiced the same opionion, I trekked out to Kemptville to find Tim.

Find him I did.

We shared stories of what had happened to us. If things had gone poorly for me, they had been catastrophic for him. After our fight, he spent two weeks on a coke bender. He told me he had been very angry at the time, but wouldn't specify why... He picked up a girlfriend, and had spent the last few months high on coke and crack.

He wanted to come with me. He wanted away from Kemptville, and from the girlfriend he had acquired. All in one day, I came back, he dumped his girlfriend, packed his bags, and came to my house. We made arrangements to collect his furniture the following day. Before we were able to leave for Ottawa, however, his girlfriend OD'd, and we had to take her to the hospital.

When we returned the following day, she came out with a story about being pregnant. I don't know the exact details (the story sounded sketchy), but Tim stayed in Kemptville to resolve the situation. Over the next 3 weeks, he came to visit a coupke of times. Things got, physically speaking, much closer than they had ever been between us before. However, the situation in Kemptville didn't seem to be resolving itself, the ensuing arguments between Tim and I got progressively more heated, and ultimately things between us ended with me saying good bye to Tim. As long as he was with her, he was on hard drugs. I'd never felt before what I felt for Tim, but I couldn't just sit by and watch him destroy himself.

I disassociated myself from what I felt about Tim by focusing on helping Tanya through the break-down of her marriage. Things for Tanya are starting to settle down a bit (she and her ex- have begun to establish a new understanding), so for the last couple of weeks I've thrown myself into my studies. Distracting myself isn't really important anymore... Tim has become another sad memory, and I can live with that. The only loose end that still bugs me is that our last exchange was an argument.

So thats basically it in a nutshell, the story without any of its depth.

My mind is just spinning now... I've written a lot.

I'll get back to you later.

Sat, 12 Oct 2002 21:34:51 GMT

Well, another week has gone by... I'm flat broke, but payday is next Tuesday, so I think I can make it. Hannah and John came over on Tuesday night, and stayed until this afternoon. I enjoy the company, but I'm happy they're gone... I was starting to feel a little crowded.

Work at the inn is finally starting to slack off. I've decided that I want to get another job over the winter... Last year I went stir crazy with nothing to do. Besides which, its nice to have the extra cash flow.

I'm a little bored... After having had guests for several days, the apartment seems so quiet. There must be something to do...

Wed, 09 Oct 2002 02:36:23 GMT

Click here to check out my little flash thingy :) Just an experiment...

Sun, 06 Oct 2002 16:48:43 GMT

After a long and terribly busy couple of months, I'm back... *pause for applause* August and September saw a few changes, probably the most significant of which was moving day on August 1st...

I had everything planned down to the minute for moving day. I normally wouldn't have tried to enforce a schedule, except that we had to vacate our apartment by 7PM, and we weren't allowed into the new building until 5PM. Yes, a two-hour window was all I could get (we had originally been supposed to be gone by 2PM). Yolanda borrowed Mom's Suburban, I had my truck, and Jeff's mother volunteered her mini-van. The night before the move, Jeff was kind enough to take a trip to his parents house for the night, so I spent the morning of the move packing furiously, trying to get everything I had planned for two people to do done by myself. By the time Jeff and his mother arrived around 3PM, I was getting frazzled, and didn't really appreciate his mother's comments about how unprepared everything seemed to be.

Whatever the case, we loaded the vehicles, and at 5PM were ready and waiting at the loading dock at the new building. As were a number of other people. We also discovered, much to our dismay, that the shipping elevator was accessed through the parking garage, and that only the minivan would fit. Everything else had to be unloaded on the street and carried through the garage. Less than halfway through the move, Jeff's mother's minivan broke down, and the Suburban was out of use (with Yolanda busy moving furniture into the apartments). Jeff's mother went home, having asked me to drive Jeff to her house after we were done. I agreed.

By the time we were finished moving (2AM) I was fit to be tied. Jeff and I agreed that he would go to his mother's in the morning.

The following morning, Jeff and I agreed that we would sepnd the day unpacking, and that I would drive him to his parents that evening. Jeff ended up buying an entertainment unit, one of those put it together yourself thingies with a set of cryptic instructions (destructions?).

In spite of the obvious difficulty involved in building such a contraption, Jeff felt the need to start working on it right away. We figured it would take him a couple of hours, so I rolled a dube.

Minutes after I roached the joint, Jeff became extremely frustrated with his project, and asked me to drive him to his mother's house immediately. I told him I'd drive him as soon as I was sober, but rather than wait an hour for me to come down, he stormed out of the house to take the bus (which ended up taking him an hour anyhow).

I don't know exactly what was said to whom, or how things were interpreted, but the following day I ended up on the phone being chewed out by his mother. She was under the impression that I had simply outright refused to drive Jeff; she told me how poorly she thought of people who broke promises to her. Whatever. I explained the situation to her, and asked her if she would've preferred that I throw her son in my truck barrel down the highway while stoned? She apologized for her assumption, but maintained that she was still displeased.

Jeff didn't come home that week.

When he did show up a week later, I had completely forgotten about all the nonsense that happened. Jeff was just stopping in to pick up his computer and router so he could go to his friend's house for a LAN party (no comment). He brought his father with him.

Jeff's father (who, I'll point out, was completely uninvolved in the situation) spent the whole time following me around, making miserable comments about me. I returned his charm in like.

When it came time for Jeff to leave, his father turned to me and directly insinuated that I was using his son (for what I don't know). He followed this up by outright accusing me of being a thief.

I told him to get out of *my* apartment.

When he informed me that it was his son's apartment as well, and that he was allowed to be there whether I liked it or not, the fighting began.

Suffice it to say, Jeff's eviction was finalized on October 1.

Life, otherwise, has been relatively busy, between work, school, and other stuff that prolly shouldn't be mentioned.

Anyhow, I have a new site design up, lemme know what you think. Its a slightly modified version of what was to have been released on August 1.

The cams should be relatively no holds barred now. Without a roommate, anything goes, right?

Mon, 29 Jul 2002 10:47:07 GMT

hmmm... I received an email from someonelikesyou.com telling me that I have a secret admirer. The site gives clues, then you try to figure out who it is by entering their email addy.

I've been told that my admirer is between 19 and 23, like to fish and hunt, and enjoys romantic dinners.

Unfortunately, I don't email many people, and consequently don't have many email addresses. Not that it really matters. I can't think of anyone who likes to hunt and/or fish.

*grumbles*

Wed, 17 Jul 2002 18:33:15 GMT

All hail Willis Haviland Carrier, who on this day in 1902 invented the modern air conditioner :)

Tue, 16 Jul 2002 13:20:19 GMT

Heya folks...

I've been terribly delinquent in my postings... Its not like I haven't had anything to tell you all about; I've just been a little antisocial.

I dunno... Over the last couple of months, I've found myself questioning my ability to judge people's character... So many of my closest friends have made (what I deem to be, at least) the wrong decisions... They've set off down roads that I won't join them on. I'm not willing to settle yet...

Hannah, for instance, isn't allowed to come to my housewarming party. So says her boyfriend. I told her months ago I didn't think he was a good guy to be involved with. But she loves him. He's *changed*. But because of her history with my roomie, and her boyfriends childish insecurity, she's not allowed to come. Whatever. I hope she becomes the happy little homemaker she seems to want to be.

To Hannah's credit, she is going to take the tattoo apprenticeship she always wanted to. I hope she does well...

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to turn my back on the friendship, but I can't just stand by while she settles for less than she could have had.

Mel seems to be coming to her senses a little... I strongly disagreed with her decision to move to Alberta. Mel's mother has decided that my interests were purely selfish, and that I simply don't want to allow Mel to move on. My reasoning was that Mel was going to spend the last of her money on a one way ticket to meet Craig, a guy she hasn't seen in 4 years and move in with him. If anything were to have gone wrong, Mel would have been stranded in Alberta without money, friends, or family... Craig's interest seems to be waning of late, I hear...

Anyways... Yeah, we're moving. Mel's decision to move to Alberta threw our lives into chaos. Yolanda didn't have another roommate to fill in for Mel, and was being forced into moving. It was decided that she, Jeff and I would get a 3 bedroom. We lined up a nice place, but a few days before we were to start the paperwork, we decided we couldn't co-exist peacefully, and we found a 2-bedroom for ourselves, and a 1 bedroom for Yolanda.

Moving day is July 31st. I can't wait :)

Ummm...

Oh, Pride. On Sunday, I worked from 7:30 until noon... I told Richard I was leaving whether he liked it or not, and he said it was fine. We served breakfast, then started on the rooms... I flew through my chores, and at noon, grabbed a shower and took off to meet Yolanda, Mel, and her sister, Kelinda. We walked up to the war monument to get a good vantage point for the parade. I got a bunch of pics, and I'm going to put together a new gallery for the site.

Yolanda seemed a little shocked by a few of the things that she saw that day... Some of the pics are hilarious :)

The next day, however, turned out lousy. The first matter of business for the day was a severe reprimand for my shoddy work performance the day before. I guess I was rushing a little too much. I was told that my having abandoned ship for the Parade was understandable, but having done a half-assed job was not. This, along with a mild headache and heartburn from my drinking the night before, ushered in a day that only got worse. I ended up going to bed early to get it over with...

So here I am now. I woke up at 7:30 when my sister started her truck, and I've been staring blankly at my monitor ever since... I have to pack more stuff today... Ugh. just 2 more weeks until the move.

So now you're updated :)

Sun, 14 Jul 2002 10:47:16 GMT

Yay Pride :)

Thu, 27 Jun 2002 11:15:58 GMT

I had to take the sleepcam offline last night... It seems I need to rethink my strategy...

In the past, I always used blacklights to light the room at night. This time, I used a red light bulb (which gave off more light, and consequently made for a better image). Unfortunately, red light seems to attract spiders.

Don'y get me wrong... I have noting against insects. But after the 3rd one crawled through my leg hair, enough was enough, the redl light got turned off... I wasn't bothered anymore.

Fri, 21 Jun 2002 23:44:00 GMT

For those of you interested, I've updated the showercam gallery...

Sun, 16 Jun 2002 17:05:28 GMT

I added 7 new self-pics to the gallery...

Sun, 16 Jun 2002 16:46:17 GMT

I've been off work since last Sunday. I am so bored. I'm not supposed to work until Tuesday. I don't know what to do with myself.

I guess I should clean the apartment today. I've been meaning to get to it for a few days now, but the grey weather we've had lately has left me a little lethargic.

I had to reduce the camera upload to 10 seconds after my hosting provider sent me a nasty email about my upload bandwidth.

Oh, and Mom has given me her blessing to drop hospitality and pursue a new field of study... perhaps graphic design.

Thu, 13 Jun 2002 19:29:49 GMT

The strange little orange spider crawling on my balcony seems to be on a mission... I wonder where it's going in such a hurry...

Wed, 05 Jun 2002 23:05:35 GMT

I've revamped the site... the links page (as usual) isn't up, but everything else seems to be working fine. Lemme know what you think :)

Sat, 01 Jun 2002 17:15:34 GMT

Many thanks to madhacktress for helping to get the cams up and running properly again... Even if she is trying to blackmail me into appearing in the buck more often :)

Tue, 28 May 2002 01:05:57 GMT

Come and bear witness to my roommate's public humiliation! *grinz*

Wed, 22 May 2002 03:47:59 GMT

*giggles* Yolanda just spent ten minutes dancing around my apartment wearing my new boxers on her head, with my sheer curtains used as a cape and cowl... She seemed to think she was some sort of Arab sheik...

I'm back!

Tue, 21 May 2002 14:39:30 GMT

After 2 and a half months, the issues with the website have finally been resolved... The site came back online yesterday, and I now have 2 cams running. I hope to add a 3rd soon.

The showercam site is still running, for the time being. It's unlikely to be a daily event, but I will try to keep the images updated as much as possible.

Not a terrible lot has happened in the last couple of months. Life has been a pretty steady routine of school, visiting friends, and wasting otherwise valuable time on romantic pursuits that ultimately guttered out. Work was a little slow (not too many tourists in Ottawa during the winter), but in the last 2 weeks things have begun to pick up. I've worked 47.5 hours in the last week and a half... Its nice to feel needed again.

I'm still not quite sure what exactly I'm going to do with the day...

Mon, 04 Mar 2002 21:57:58 GMT

Let's get something straight... I like being there for my friends. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I've made someone else happier. I've always maintained that friendships are give-and-take relationships. Its not like I keep score... But I sometimes feel truly put upon by people.

Mon, 04 Mar 2002 12:15:21 GMT

I am 39% CANADIAN!!!

(Take the Canadian-ness test)

What can I say? I guess I wouldn't mind being American (tho I'd be a little put out having to drink their beer).

I have a busy day planned. I have to get all my laundry done (like 4 loads), go to the salon and have my eyebrows done, then go to the employment center (I need to find a 2nd (3rd?) job). Then I really should finish cleaning the apartment (which simply means I have to do some dishes and vacuum).

Oh, and somewhere along the way I have to get the site back up. This is getting stupid...

Sun, 03 Mar 2002 02:57:14 GMT

Which tarot card are you?

The Strength card represents:

showing strength
knowing you can endure
having a gallant spirit
feeling an unshakable resolve
taking heart despite setbacks
having stamina
being a rock

being patient
dealing calmly with frustration
accepting others
taking time
maintaining composure
refusing to get angry
showing forbearance

being compassionate
giving others lots of space
tolerating
understanding what others are feeling
accepting
forgiving imperfection
being kind

achieving soft control
persuading
working with
guiding indirectly
being able to influence
tempering force with benevolence
demonstrating the strength of love

Sun, 03 Mar 2002 02:49:36 GMT

Sat, 02 Mar 2002 18:09:10 GMT

Why is it that the only time that you wake up needing to use the bathroom really bad, is when your roommate was up 5 minutes before you to take a shower?

Fri, 01 Mar 2002 16:58:01 GMT

YAY! I made the Dean's Honour List last semester... That'll look good on my resume...

Fri, 01 Mar 2002 03:03:11 GMT

Said in #gayottawa:

[22:01] whoever invented puffed wheat should be shot

*grinz*